Imago Therapy tries to create a bridge between partners where they can be an advocate for each other's potential. The form breaks down dialogue and even gives instructions for the sender and receiver of communication. "The Couple's Dialogue" is key in this therapy style. In this particular style of dialogue, one partner requests to the other partner that they need a Couple's Dialogue. The person who requests the dialogue is the Sender and the partner is the Receiver. Here are instructions for both parties:
- Instructions for the Receiver:
- Active Listening: As your partner talks, do not interrupt until the partner pauses
- Mirror & Summarize: Repeat back what your partner says without adding or taking away from the message. Use the phrase, "What I heard you say is..." Don't add questions, insert comments, or change the tone of voice. You can check to make sure you mirrored correctly by asking your partner "Did I get that?" and also ask for more information if needed, "Is there more?"
- Validate: Validate the content, "What you've said makes sense because..." Through this you are showing your partner that he/she is making sense from his/her own point of view.
- Empathize: Imagine what the other person is feeling about what they just said, "I can imagine that you might feel..."
- Instructions for the Sender
- Make an appointment: Ask you partner to meet at a specific time so that both partners can make the conversation a priority
- Intentions Statement: Use an introductory statement that lets your partner feel safe regarding what message you are about to send, "I want this to be a win win conversation"
- Stick to one topic: Don't have a hidden agenda with a laundry list of complaints. The goal is to have a focused dialogue surrounding one concern
- Use "I" Statements: Describe how you feel and what you need. "I feel anger and scared when I haven't heard from you" versus "You make me angry"
- Tone of Voice: It is important to keep a non-threatening, non-accusatory tone so that no one gets on the defensive. If you are too angry, you should wait until you are calmer to have a couple's dialogue.
- Word selection: Be aware of the words you use and allow pauses in what you are saying so that your partner has the opportunity to mirror you words. Blaming, labeling, mind-reading, or using absolutes will not resolve the issue and do not belong in this dialogue.
- Actively Reinforce Positive Behaviors: After you partner mirrors what you have said, say something to demonstrate it, "Thanks for hearing me."
Through the Couple's Dialogue, partners can hear one another and come to deeply understand each other without judgement or fear. If you're interested in learning more about Imago Therapy, review the videos below.
Brought to you by Thrive Counseling Center LLC in Metairie, LA at www.thrivecounselingcenterllc.com.
