Sexting & Adolescents: What Parents Should Consider

Sexting is a relatively new phenomenon where one person sends, receives, copies, shares, or even simply possesses explicit photos of oneself or someone else from an electronic device.  Sexting includes text messages, emails, pictures, videos, apps such as Kick, Twitter, Snap Chat, etc.  Sexting is a new taboo in our modern culture and it is a topic that needs to be addressed with our adolescents.

A study, entitled “Youth Sexting: Prevalence Rates, Driving Motivations, and the Deterrent Effect of Legal Consequences,” was published online in June 2014 by the journal entitled Sexuality Research and Social Policy.    From this study, some interesting statistics were discovered:

• 54% of minors reported sexting as a minor
• 28% stated they have sent a explicit picture
• 61% of minors were not aware that sending a sext is considered child pornography
• 71% reported knowing other teens who experienced negative consequences as a result from sexting
• 2% reported that they notified a parent or adult about a sext that they received.

In addition, more young females are subjected to sending and posting sexually explicit pictures, however males are not immune from sexting.  Often times, young men get into trouble regarding the distribution of texts, pictures, and videos. 

So... why do teens sext?   The majority of teens who have sexted have stated they did so because it was a way to date or strengthen their existing relationships.  Teens feel the need to sext to keep their boy/girlfriend happy and as a way to show trust and intimacy in their relationships.  Teens also are not thinking of the long-term implications, and often send pictures or videos "without thinking" in the heat of the moment.

So...what are the consequences of sexting?  Consequences include social, school, legal, and familial components.  Socially sexting can be devastating to a child's reputation and self-esteem.  It can lead to name calling, taunting, teasing, and abuse.  Viral is not fun socially, it's fast.  This means that one image can spread to thousands of people in a relatively short period of time.  Depending on the child's school and home-life environment, there may be consequences for the child who either takes or distributes sexts at school or at home.  And finally, there are legal consequences that can have life-altering affects.  See below for Louisiana Statutes on Sexting:

• Sexting: In Louisiana, people younger than 17 are prohibited from knowingly and voluntarily using a computer, cell phone, or other telecommunications device to transmit indecent images they take of themselves. It’s also a crime for someone younger the 17 to have or transmit an indecent image that was transmitted by another person younger than 17 who took the image of him or herself. (Louisiana Revised Statutes § 14:81.1.1.)
• Pornography Involving Juveniles: It’s also a crime in Louisiana to produce, promote, distribute, or possess any pornographic images or material that involve juveniles. This type of material includes any kind of film, image, photograph, or other reproduction that depicts people younger than 17 engaging in sexual conduct. Committing the crime of pornography involving juveniles in Louisiana is a felony offense. (Louisiana Revised Statutes § 14:81.1.)
• Indecent Behavior With Juveniles: Anyone in Louisiana who transmits or delivers an image or written communication to any person younger than 17 with the intent to arouse or gratify sexual desires commits the crime of indecent behavior with juveniles. However, if the age difference between the juvenile and the person sending the written communication or image is two years or less, no crime has occurred. (Louisiana Revised Statutes § 14:81.)
• Juvenile Penalties: A teen who commits a sexting crime (Louisiana Revised Statutes § 14:81.1.1) faces a number of possible penalties for a first offense. Louisiana juvenile courts have broad discretion in the types of penalties they can impose. For example, the court can order the teen to pay a fine, perform community service, or stay under house arrest, or it can impose other punishments as it deems appropriate. For second or third sexting offenses, more significant penalties such as higher fines and up to six months in jail are possible.
• Adult penalties. Louisiana is one of the handful of states that define a juvenile as anyone younger than 17. This means that a person who is 17 or older could face adult penalties if convicted of a sexting-related crime. Adult penalties for these types of crimes are much more significant. For example, someone convicted of indecent behavior with juveniles as a first-time offender faces up to $50,000 in fines and between five and 20 years in prison. You can read more about Louisiana’s adult criminal penalties by reading Louisiana Felony Crimes by Class and Sentences and Louisiana Misdemeanor Crimes by Class and Sentences.

Since sexting can be detrimental to your child's development, it is important that you talk to your children about sexting.  Remind your child  to keep texts, pictures, posts, etc. PG rated and that nothing is private once it is posted to the internet or transmitted through a phone.  Encourage your child to think before they post and to not succumb to peer or dating pressures.  Finally, here are some starter questions to help you frame your discussion with your child:

• How do you define sexting?
• What are some consequences that could happen if someone sexted?
• Why might someone ignore these consequences and send a picture/video?
• How is communicating through your phone different from in person?
• How might self-disclosure using digital technologies be even more risky than face-to-face self-disclosure?

Hopefully through this information, you will be able to talk to your child about sexting and help to keep your child safe and healthy as they develop into adolescence and adulthood!

Brought to you by Thrive Counseling Center LLC in Metairie, LA. www.thrivecounselingcenterllc.com 

New Year, New You? Practical Steps to Our Lofty Resolutions

A new year is upon us and with that many people are hopeful for change by making new year's resolutions.  There is something promising about a new start with a new year.  Come January 1st we feel like we can wipe the slate clean and start fresh.

Whether we are hopeful for a new job, to lose weight, find a love interest, or whatever else our hope may be, we often set ourselves up for failure with our shiny and bright new year's resolutions.  One study from 2007 found that out of 3000 people in the study, 88% of participants who made a new year's resolution failed to keep that resolution! So, why is it so hard to keep a new year's resolution?  Why can't we commit to our resolutions and promises to ourselves?

I believe it's because we do not make our resolutions practical!  Our resolutions are too lofty, too abstract, and too big to become realistic.  Our hopes are just too hopeful.  We make a great resolution while talking with friends, under the influence, or because we feel we need some change in our lives, yet come January 5th we've forgotten what that hopeful resolution was in the first place.

Instead of creating life-changing resolutions, we need to focus on small, practical daily changes that may not take a lot of effort to tweak.  Here are a couple of pieces of advice to consider as you are creating your own New Year's Resolution:

• Use SMART Goals! A resolution should be SPECIFIC, MEASURABLE, ATTAINABLE, RELEVANT, and TIME-ORIENTED.  

• Specific: What's expected? Why is it important? Think of the "W" questions: Who? What? Why? Which? Where?
• Measurable: If you can't measure a goal, how do you know it's working?  Think of questions such as How much? How will I know when I've achieved my goal?
• Attainable: This makes sure your goal is within reach and not too broad or lofty.  Is this goal possible with my skills and abilities? Is my goal realistic?
• Relevant: This stresses the concept to choice a goal that matters to you. Does this seem worthwhile? Is this goal right for me?
• Time Oriented: Give yourself a deadline or a time-bound goal. Think about When? What can I do today? Where do I want to be in a month?  Break your goals up into small, bearable pieces.
• For example, many might have a new year's resolution "to lose weight."  This is a great over-arching goal, yet it is not a SMART goal.  A revision to our example to meet thee qualifications of a SMART goal may look like, "I am going to join the Pilates Center the first week of January and attend 1 group class per week for the next month."  With this SMART goal, we are setting ourselves up for success by giving ourselves a deadline and starting with small changes.

• Make your goal public!  If we publicize our resolution to our family and friends, we gain a support network and become more accountable to our goals. Talk about your goal to anyone who will listen to it, this makes you more confident about your goal and builds your accountability.

• For example, last year I ran my first marathon.  In October 2013, I told my family and friends that I was going to run a marathon.  They all laughed and thought I was crazy, but every time I saw them from that point till the marathon, they asked how my training was going.  If I was on track with my training schedule, I felt great, and if I had missed a few runs, my guilt from telling them I hadn't trained got me back on track.  I was able to finish my first marathon in February 2014!

• Beware of challenges and road blocks.  Remember that life is not perfect, there are hiccups along the way!  Do not get down on yourself if you hit a roadblock.  The key will be to figure out how to rise above the challenge and move past it.  The key is to not give up because you hit a snag.

• For example, when I was training for the marathon, my mother ended up being hospitalized unexpectedly.  I didn't train for 2 weeks straight. I figured, oh well, maybe next time.  Yet as my mother recovered, I realized I could recover from this road block as well and I got back on track with my training.

• It takes 66 days on average to make a habit.  Most people think it takes 21 days to form a new habit, yet that is an old idea from Dr. Maxwell Maltz's self-help from the 1960s.  For some people it might take 16 days and other over 100 days, it just depends.  Give yourself some wiggle room and don't give up if by February 1st you are right where you were on January 1st!

• Enlist professional help!  Depending on what your goal is, you may need an expert to help you along your path.  We do not know everything and should seek help from others to make our goals easier.  For example, if you're wanting to run a marathon, seek out a personal trainer or a running coach, if you want to re-arrange your attitude, maybe seek a counselor or if you are wanting to eat healthier, seek out a nutritionist. 

Hopefully these tips will help you with your own new year's resolutions!  Good luck to all and may you all have a wonderful 2015 as we say goodbye to 2014!

Brought to you by Thrive Counseling Center LLC in Metairie, LA at www.thrivecounselingcenterllc.com

What is Mental Health? with Dr. Mike Condra

What is Imago Therapy?

Imago Therapy is an effective form of couples counseling created by Dr. Harville Hendrix.  The focus is on communication and dialogue to create emotional safety among the partners. "The term Imago is Latin for “image,” and refers to the “unconscious image of familiar love.” Using core constructs of intentionality, stretching, ownership, unconditional gifting, dialogue and wholeness (to name a few), partners realize that a conscious relationship is an ever-evolving journey - an unfolding process - rather than a destination.(http://pub.imagorelationships.org/)"

Imago Therapy tries to create a bridge between partners where they can be an advocate for each other's potential.  The form breaks down dialogue and even gives instructions for the sender and receiver of communication.  "The Couple's Dialogue" is key in this therapy style.  In this particular style of dialogue, one partner requests to the other partner that they need a Couple's Dialogue.  The person who requests the dialogue is the Sender and the partner is the Receiver.  Here are instructions for both parties:

• Instructions for the Receiver:
• Active Listening: As your partner talks, do not interrupt until the partner pauses
• Mirror & Summarize: Repeat back what your partner says without adding or taking away from the message.  Use the phrase, "What I heard you say is..."  Don't add questions, insert comments, or change the tone of voice.  You can check to make sure you mirrored correctly by asking your partner "Did I get that?" and also ask for more information if needed, "Is there more?"
• Validate: Validate the content, "What you've said makes sense because..." Through this you are showing your partner that he/she is making sense from his/her own point of view.
• Empathize: Imagine what the other person is feeling about what they just said, "I can imagine that you might feel..." 
• Instructions for the Sender
• Make an appointment: Ask you partner to meet at a specific time so that both partners can make the conversation a priority
• Intentions Statement: Use an introductory statement that lets your partner feel safe regarding what message you are about to send, "I want this to be a win win conversation"
• Stick to one topic: Don't have a hidden agenda with a laundry list of complaints.  The goal is to have a focused dialogue surrounding one concern
• Use "I" Statements: Describe how you feel and what you need.  "I feel anger and scared when I haven't heard from you" versus "You make me angry"
• Tone of Voice: It is important to keep a non-threatening, non-accusatory tone so that no one gets on the defensive.  If you are too angry, you should wait until you are calmer to have a couple's dialogue.
• Word selection: Be aware of the words you use and allow pauses in what you are saying so that your partner has the opportunity to mirror you words. Blaming, labeling, mind-reading, or using absolutes will not resolve the issue and do not belong in this dialogue.
• Actively Reinforce Positive Behaviors: After you partner mirrors what you have said, say something to demonstrate it, "Thanks for hearing me."

Through the Couple's Dialogue, partners can hear one another and come to deeply understand each other without judgement or fear.  If you're interested in learning more about Imago Therapy, review the videos below.



Brought to you by Thrive Counseling Center LLC in Metairie, LA at www.thrivecounselingcenterllc.com.

Adolescents Coping with Depression Group

Adolescents Coping with Depression Group

A 12 week group for depressed adolescents between 14-18 years old. The group will consist of lectures, discussions, role-plays, and activities surrounding relaxation techniques, identification of irrational/negative thoughts, social skills, communication, and problem solving.

Initial group meeting will be Tuesday September 9, 2014 from 4:00-6:00 pm. The cost of the group is $80 per 2-hour group meeting. To register call Dr. Camelford at 504-390-9538 or email her at kcamelford@thrivecounselingcenterllc.com.

Click here for a flyer.

Brought to you by Thrive Counseling Center LLC in Metairie, LA at www.thrivecounselingcenterllc.com.

How to Avoid Misunderstandings

Ever felt misunderstood?  Misunderstandings are a failure to clearly communicate and are pretty common in today's society.  We misunderstand others in conversations, emails, text messages, and social media. Personal and relationship problems often come from a lack of communication and understanding.  Effective communication is a two-way street in which we must be effective in sending messages, as well as we must be effective in receiving messages to avoid misunderstandings.

Conversation Misunderstandings can be cleared up with a few common tips:

• As the listener, utilize Active Listening
• Be engaged in conversations as the listener by using "following" words such as "ye, uh-huh, really"
• Think about your body language...make eye contact, nod, lean slightly forward towards the speaker
• Pay attention and ask follow up questions or clarity questions
• Paraphrase the message
• As the speaker, send clear and accurate messages by
• Be specific 
• Consider how your body language matches your words
• Look for non-verbal cues from the listener to see if they are understanding the message
• Say what you mean

For written communication, such as email, text messages, etc., misunderstandings may increase due to the lack of tone of voice and body language cues provided in the conversation.  In some ways, that is why emoticons are becoming increasingly popular because they can provide a visual cue to the written words.  Whether you approve of emoticons or not, here are some types for avoiding written misunderstandings:

• Read your message out-loud before sending the message
• Have a co-worker/friend read the message before sending as a tester
• Don't use all caps as it is considered yelling
• Use emoticons
• If the message sounds to harsh upon reading, don't send it! Maybe a phone call or in-person conversation would be more gentle
• Always re-read your work, especially with auto-correct

Hopefully these are easy tips (or most likely reminders) for you to consider and re-incorporate into your communicate skills.  With more mindfulness awareness misunderstandings should be limited!

Brought to you by Thrive Counseling Center LLC in Metairie, LA at www.thrivecounselingcenterllc.com.

Stages of Change

Change is about mixing it up and doing something different or becoming someone different from the past. Sometimes change is forced upon a person, where other times a person may willingly change something. When one thinks about change, here are some general questions that come to mind: What did I do in the past when I made a change? What is it that I want to do differently? What kind of person will I become? etc. Depending on the type of change, different emotional responses may occur such as happiness, anger, fear, and even doubt.  The goal of this blog is to discuss change, locus of control, and then the stages of change to help anyone identify where he or she may be in the cycle of change.

First off, change can be internal or external.  Internal change is a change that one make's within oneself.  For example, "I am going to start waking up an hour early to work out in the morning."  Whereas, external change is change that is forced upon a person who has little-to-no control over the change.  For example, "My work establishment has changed my hours from 9-5 to 7:30-3:30."  Often times people cope better with internal change since they are intrinsically motivated, where as external change can cause concerns and resistance to change.

Secondly, everyone has a locus of control based on their personality and upbringing.  Locus of control can be defined as whether or not individuals believe that they can control events in their lives.  A person with an internal locus of control believes that they control their own destiny and are in charge of their fate.  A person with an external locus of control believes that others (people, environmental factors, etc.) control their destiny and that life is often left up to chance.  It is important for people to identify what type of locus of control they have because that will help them identify how they will approach change and if they might need more support to make changes than others.  Sometimes, people may identify that something is wrong, but they are not interested in change which is an important piece of awareness.

As a counselor, I like to view change in stages because it gives people the opportunity to make small steps to larger goals and allows for setbacks/slip-ups to occur with the gentle kindness to keep pursuing change.

• Pre-contemplation: Problematic behaviors may not be harmful in this stage, Individual may be in denial of problem, Not really interested in change, Thinking about change
• Contemplation: Problematic behaviors continue, Ambivalence occurs about a potential change, Individual can recognize motives for change, Thinking about change 
• Preparation: Minor adjustments in problematic behaviors may be viewed based on internal or external change, Individual decides to make a change and struggles with how to make change, Determination and planning take place
• Action: Action is taken to address problematic behaviors, Individual may avoid triggers, seek support, or find other ways to cope
• Maintenance: Changes made in action stage are maintained, Individual still faces challenges
• Relapse: Most individuals after making a change return to the problematic behaviors, Individual slips and has self-doubt of change

The stages of change could be viewed in a cycle, where after the relapse occurs, the individual faces pre-contemplation again.  It may take several cycles with the same problematic behavior in order to permanently end the problematic behavior.

So if you are looking to make a change in your life, first consider what type of change it is, then consider your personality traits and your locus of control, and then cater the cycle's of change to your specific need.  If you feel that you are still struggling, then I encourage you to reach out for support from family, friends, or a certified counselor.

Brought to you by Thrive Counseling Center LLC in Metairie, LA at www.thrivecounselingcenterllc.com.